Listening/Talking

I'd been feeling God calling me--no, commanding me--to listen up and be really present, to stop cramming my head so full of fiction and assignments that I can't think. So I got back to journalling, and skipped classes on Tuesday to have a real pause, and stopped reading fiction, and fasted on Wednesday night/Thursday, and went to the Ash Wednesday prayer service, and tried to meditate on the bus today. I can definitely see why I needed to slow down and clear my mind and focus on God this week, because intense conversations have been flying at me from every side. A catalog of conversations:

• On a politicky and tragic family situation, Tuesday night
• On how to face Bible study having become twice the size it needs to be, Tuesday night
• On being a real man by God's definition! also Tuesday night
• On horrifically awkward boy problems, Wednesday night
• On race and class, 9-11, Good and Evil, Heaven and Hell, Thursday afternoon
• On what it means to "need" someone, Wednesday & Thursday evening
• On how the heck to teach people to lead Bible studies, Thursday night
  
• On dealing with discontentment and immature exes, Friday noon
  
• On Hosea chapter 5, Friday afternoon
• On how a Christian should address the forest of issues surrounding homosexuality, Saturday afternoon
• On the problem of pain (case study: a sister's cancer), Sunday night
  

Holy Spirit, come. Holy Spirit, dwell. Fill this place with joy overflowing, and love overflowing, and peace overflowing, in all of your glory: Come. I would have failed at these conversations if I hadn't been consciously listening for God, trying to "feed on Him" since Jesus is the Bread of Life. I would have been at a loss for words; I would have avoided the hard questions and just been the soft listener; I wouldn't even have been able to listen all the way through, to put aside my agenda. And I certainly could have done better even as it was. But by the grace of God, even the offering I could bring bore some fruit.

"The one who feeds on Me will live because of Me": let me feed on You, Lord, because life comes only from You.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands"

Last Wednesday and Thursday were tough, especially because I had to admit I had been ignoring a problem for a while. But I "let go and let God," and He demonstrated His goodness again and again. He gave me peace, and He let me be part of His work, and when Sunday night came, this song filled me:

There is an endless song
echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling:

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the king
and it makes my heart want to sing.

I want this song to always "echo in my soul." The joy of the Lord is my strength. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. Let that be sewn into the quilt of my thoughts. Let me wrap myself in it for warmth and comfort and cover. God, You are good, all the time.