Thursday, March 5, 2009

Understand Me

What creates more of a challenge to communication: different ethnic backgrounds, or different degrees of introversion / extroversion? Culture or personality?

I'm good at explaining things, even my own feelings. I can find the words, dig them up, stack them just so. I reconstruct, at an observable rate, the edifice of interplaying emotions that flickered into being inside me, rising suddenly as a fountain's spray. I rebuild for you, with word-blocks, the tower built of shadow and snow and sunshine and song and screams and silence. I can never build as fast as the towers crystallize and dissolve, but if you understand a few of these blueprints, you can make sense of every structure here.

You're good at reading the blueprints, I know. You pay close attention to each description, each diagram, and you're learning, and you want to learn, I know. You don't have to explain it to me, I know already.

The trouble is, I want you to know already, too. I want you to know without my explanations. I want you to see through me so you see the towers rising and evaporating for yourself, and look closer than I do, sometimes. I don't want to have to reconstruct them for you.

Is that too much to ask? I know you are doing what you can, really I do. You can't change your vision. There are no glasses that would let you see through my eyes, or let your gaze penetrate my constructed face. I can make you see, by externalizing. You listen, and I give you credit for it. But I wish that you saw, already, into me. I want you to understand without my having to explain.

Is that too much to ask you for? Is that too much to ask life for?

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