Monday, June 9, 2008


So! I've been horribly lax about updating this blog for the past while. Blame goes partly to finals, partly to emotional exhaustion, partly to lack of computer access. (Not that I'm complaining, since if I had to choose between spending the rest of my life without a computer and spending the rest of my life without mountain get-aways, I would definitely forgo the computer.) But the factor that really matters in my not posting is just a lack of discipline. . . I haven't been "feeling" the writing. . . haven't taken the time. . . But I'm going to! After this sorry excuse for a piece of writing, real posts will follow. I am resolved.

This is going to be a summer of structure. The practical reason is that my internship (40hrs/wk) forces me to plan out my time expenditure; the emotional or spiritual or personal reason is that I need the constraints and rhythms of habit to bring me to the place I want to be in relation to G-d and my own sense of self.

Confession: This past semester, I was singularly undisciplined in all sorts of domains. It started with emotions and a relationship, and drifted into my time management, and then my spiritual/personal life, and even (a little) academics (in my patterns and methods of getting things done, and my attitudes--I still finished things and did well in the end.) It wasn't even so much whether I did or didn't do things, as how I did them: with what frame of mind, what internal state. I couldn't concentrate, couldn't settle down. Disharmony dominated me.

Which is not what G-d's will is.

I am seeking integration and . . . something else. Purification? Harmony? Growth? All of the above, I suppose.

My means to those ends is habit. Goals for the summer: memorize the book of Ephesians (with my sista!), have quiet time every day, keep Fridays as Sabbaths (from sunset on Thursday to sunset on Friday, no computers, no spending money, no secular reading). I also want to read various books / learn various things, keep up with this blog; see friends, ride my bike, cook; sleep. Blog-wise, I'm going to try to post Tues/Thurs/Sat. Three days a week is fair, right? I'll start that schedule tomorrow. :)

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