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I'm sitting on the lawn in my backyard, with my damp bath towel separating me from the grass. I would be sprawled on the grass, but I'm wearing a dress because it's so hot.

(The bath towel is here because I showered across the house from where it belongs, due to the construction workers who were taking up the whole middle part of the house, and then I didn't want to return it to its home, again due to the occupants of the kitchen/living room. An ant is crawling over the towel. It mostly manages to stay on the tips of the loops of thread, but it is struggling to cross them. It has an easier time on the band of towel that doesn't have loops, though. And now it's scurrying across my keyboard. And now it's gone.)

I feel so girly for wearing this dress. Then again, I am not wearing for anyone or any event. I don't know why I am so averse to the trappings of girldom and to the label GIRL (the one said with a roll of the eyes). It's not a bad thing to be a girl. I don't want to be anything else (though I suppose at this point I could be labeled WOMAN. Huh.) But I hate conforming to the stereotypes, and I deliberately avoid doing so--which has the unfortunate consequence that I am being reverse-psychologically controlled by the same stereotypes I want to escape. Grr.

I'm perfectly happy to be a girl. I just don't want other people to think of me as one. How does that make sense??